killer headache.

i hate not knowing what's "best for me."

i have a picture of "what i want" in my head... but... i don't let myself strive for it because i allow myself to believe that "maybe it's not the best thing for me." ...i wish i could just go on a vacation with myself.. and somehow magically run into a handful of amazing people who could school me on some of the "facts of life".. it doesn't even have to be a "handful".. maybe just 1.. or 2.. or 3. hah.

my head hurts.

grr.