One of my biggest fears has got to be: ignorance.
i want to be educated. is that too much to ask for?
This quarter has, so far, not been intellectually engaging, and it's making it really difficult for me to get through it.
i feel drained.
i feel like a sponge.... and someone's just constantly squeezing the "good stuff" out of me.
I lack in creativity.
My imagination is beginning to starve.
I've been thrown facts in the form of bricks... leaving me to chisel each one out in order to disect it.. and i wish the facts would've been thrown to me as a heap of mud... because atleast then i'd have some sort of moisture, some sort of substance... something to sink my hands into and actually FEEL... something moldable that i could take and form my own creation with.
I.
just.
want.
this.
to.
be.
over.
I've had too much going on.. i left no time for MYSELF..
Crystal without "me" time is, as i've come to find, HORRIBLE.
and it needs to end.
Pale.
that's what it's like.
and i want so bad for the rays of sun to cover me in their warmth and
give me some COLOR!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I Am Waiting by Lawrence Ferlinghetti
I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and i am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wait
and i am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western frontier
and i am waiting
for the american eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and i am waiting
for the age of anxiety
to drop dead
and i am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and i am waiting
for the final withering away
of all governments
and i am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder
I am waitn for the Second Coming
and i am waiting
for a religious revival
to sweep thru the state of Arizona
and i am waiting
for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored
and i am waiting for them to prove
that God is really America
and i am seriously waiting
for Billy Graham and Elvis Presley
to exchange roles
seriously
and i am waiting
to see God on television
pied onto church altars
if only they can find
the right channel
to tune in on
and i am waiting
for the Last Supper to be served again
with a strange new appetizer
andi am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for my number to be called
and i am waiting
for the living end
and i am waiting
for dad to come home
his pockets full
of irradiated silver dollars
and i am waiting
for the atomic tests to end
and i am waiting happily
for things to get much worse
before they improve
and i wam waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and i am waiting
for the human crowd
to wander off a cliff somewhere
clutching its atomic umbrella
and i am waiting
for Ike to act
and i am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and i am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and i am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and i am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and i am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed
and i am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure general practitioner
and save me forever from certain death
and i am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and i am waiting
to set sail for happiness
and i am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and tv rights
sold in advance to the natives
and i am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder................
_Lawrence Ferlinghetti
............. (look up the rest, i'm tired of typing)
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and i am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wait
and i am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western frontier
and i am waiting
for the american eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and i am waiting
for the age of anxiety
to drop dead
and i am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and i am waiting
for the final withering away
of all governments
and i am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder
I am waitn for the Second Coming
and i am waiting
for a religious revival
to sweep thru the state of Arizona
and i am waiting
for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored
and i am waiting for them to prove
that God is really America
and i am seriously waiting
for Billy Graham and Elvis Presley
to exchange roles
seriously
and i am waiting
to see God on television
pied onto church altars
if only they can find
the right channel
to tune in on
and i am waiting
for the Last Supper to be served again
with a strange new appetizer
andi am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for my number to be called
and i am waiting
for the living end
and i am waiting
for dad to come home
his pockets full
of irradiated silver dollars
and i am waiting
for the atomic tests to end
and i am waiting happily
for things to get much worse
before they improve
and i wam waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and i am waiting
for the human crowd
to wander off a cliff somewhere
clutching its atomic umbrella
and i am waiting
for Ike to act
and i am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and i am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and i am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and i am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and i am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed
and i am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure general practitioner
and save me forever from certain death
and i am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and i am waiting
to set sail for happiness
and i am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and tv rights
sold in advance to the natives
and i am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder................
_Lawrence Ferlinghetti
............. (look up the rest, i'm tired of typing)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Movies.
most movies in a nutshell:
1) we get the opening image. the "before" picture. the image that tells where we are... what's going on.. who we're dealing with
2) we get the opening hook. the theme introduced. we get more of a feel as to what sort of character we're dealing with.
3)now comes the catalyst... an incident which finally gets the movie going.. usually something is mentioned .. we get some sort of "news" as to what's going on
4) the setting starts to develop. we get images upon images of what the "ordinary world" looks like for the main characters
5)we're hit with a mini crisis. We learn what the movie is about. our character realizes what he/she must do.. he/she figures our his/her goal.
6) we reach the point of no return. our character starts out on his/her journey to his/her goal.
7) the "B" story begins... a "B" story is added to take our mind off the main goal, to slow things down... sometimes the "B" story is a romance.. or, as found in many recent movies, a "bromance"
8) there's a moment of testing for our main character.. the main character fails.. heshe goes toward his/her goal and FAILS.. tested and fails (this is usually mirrored again in the climax, except, in the climax, he/she succeeds)... OR we get our first indication of love if there's a romance involved
9)we reach the mid point.. the turning point..for the first time, our character does something completely out of character
10) we reach the big pit.. something is lost.. almost everything that can go wrong goes wrong.. although not EVERYTHING is lost, NEARLY everything is
11) we reach rockbottom.. our character is helpless.. it's worse than the big pit.. our character is alone.. isolated... everything is gone.. and then he/she reaches an epiphany in which he/she realizes what he/she must do to achieve his/her goal
12) climax to finale. our protagonist and antagonist face off to get to the goal.. our character is tested and he/she succeeds.
13) we are given a final image.. the closing image.. the "after" picture to contrast with the "before" picture that we were given during the opening image.
THE END.
so, i'm taking intro to film.. and now, when i watch movies, i can see this play out time after time after time.. with nearly every movie... it's like you can predict what will happen next... it sort of ruins the entertainment part if you think about it TOO much.. but yeah... if most movies follow this outline.. it's really almost like .. every movie is the same.. in some way. Yet, they're not. they're completely different.
and so, this leads me to believe that.. the most important person of the movie making process is... the screenwriter. it is, afterall, the screenwriter that comes up with/creates/develops the story.. it is the screenwriter who gives birth to the characters we come to love.. it is the screenwriter who brings to life the lines and quotes we come to love and repeat... it is the screenwriter who is able to take an idea and begin the process of making a visual representation of it for all of us to see... it is the screenwriter who presents the story in such a way that we're able to either relate to it or merely be entertained by it. horray to the screenwriters. horray for their ability to make movies worthwhile.
<3
1) we get the opening image. the "before" picture. the image that tells where we are... what's going on.. who we're dealing with
2) we get the opening hook. the theme introduced. we get more of a feel as to what sort of character we're dealing with.
3)now comes the catalyst... an incident which finally gets the movie going.. usually something is mentioned .. we get some sort of "news" as to what's going on
4) the setting starts to develop. we get images upon images of what the "ordinary world" looks like for the main characters
5)we're hit with a mini crisis. We learn what the movie is about. our character realizes what he/she must do.. he/she figures our his/her goal.
6) we reach the point of no return. our character starts out on his/her journey to his/her goal.
7) the "B" story begins... a "B" story is added to take our mind off the main goal, to slow things down... sometimes the "B" story is a romance.. or, as found in many recent movies, a "bromance"
8) there's a moment of testing for our main character.. the main character fails.. heshe goes toward his/her goal and FAILS.. tested and fails (this is usually mirrored again in the climax, except, in the climax, he/she succeeds)... OR we get our first indication of love if there's a romance involved
9)we reach the mid point.. the turning point..for the first time, our character does something completely out of character
10) we reach the big pit.. something is lost.. almost everything that can go wrong goes wrong.. although not EVERYTHING is lost, NEARLY everything is
11) we reach rockbottom.. our character is helpless.. it's worse than the big pit.. our character is alone.. isolated... everything is gone.. and then he/she reaches an epiphany in which he/she realizes what he/she must do to achieve his/her goal
12) climax to finale. our protagonist and antagonist face off to get to the goal.. our character is tested and he/she succeeds.
13) we are given a final image.. the closing image.. the "after" picture to contrast with the "before" picture that we were given during the opening image.
THE END.
so, i'm taking intro to film.. and now, when i watch movies, i can see this play out time after time after time.. with nearly every movie... it's like you can predict what will happen next... it sort of ruins the entertainment part if you think about it TOO much.. but yeah... if most movies follow this outline.. it's really almost like .. every movie is the same.. in some way. Yet, they're not. they're completely different.
and so, this leads me to believe that.. the most important person of the movie making process is... the screenwriter. it is, afterall, the screenwriter that comes up with/creates/develops the story.. it is the screenwriter who gives birth to the characters we come to love.. it is the screenwriter who brings to life the lines and quotes we come to love and repeat... it is the screenwriter who is able to take an idea and begin the process of making a visual representation of it for all of us to see... it is the screenwriter who presents the story in such a way that we're able to either relate to it or merely be entertained by it. horray to the screenwriters. horray for their ability to make movies worthwhile.
<3
Sunday, June 7, 2009
organized religion
haha. hyde deserves a high 5 for this one:
and talib kweli deserves TWO high 5's for this one!
and talib kweli deserves TWO high 5's for this one!
Monday, May 25, 2009
NYC trip =)
so... i just got back from my 1st trip to NYC =)
loved it.
did a lot. one of my favorite things is probably the amount of people there.. and the type of people... it's crazy.. there are SO many tourists.. from SO many places... it's really interesting.. i also loved going to Brooklyn and finally being able to hear that Brooklyn accent all around me haha. I enjoyed being around a lot of historical landmarks and being able to see many of the places mentioned in literature and film =) as soon as i got there i thought HOLDEN CAUFIELD. haha.
i have A LOT to say about the trip... but i also have A LOT of hmwk to do. so all i'm going to say is.. one of the places i WASN'T too fond of (other than Harlem) was Carnegie Deli! i mean... sure.. the hot pastrami tasted pretty darn good.. but.. are you kidding me?!
disgusting!! like... why would you want SO MUCH meat?.. one of my english professors, Mr.D, let me know that the "sandwiches were big enough for two"... and boy was he right.. more like 3! or 4! .. it was insane... we ate about HALF of what we were served. it was insane. I wonder how much meat they throw out daily. oh and the video they play within the restaraunt is close to horrifying. They show the sandwiches and everything.. but, personally, i think it's more scary that appetizing.
so, basically, want to waste food and ask for a heart attack? go to carnegie deli. haha. OR be smart and only order ONE sandwich!.. go on from there.
i <3 NY.
loved it.
did a lot. one of my favorite things is probably the amount of people there.. and the type of people... it's crazy.. there are SO many tourists.. from SO many places... it's really interesting.. i also loved going to Brooklyn and finally being able to hear that Brooklyn accent all around me haha. I enjoyed being around a lot of historical landmarks and being able to see many of the places mentioned in literature and film =) as soon as i got there i thought HOLDEN CAUFIELD. haha.
i have A LOT to say about the trip... but i also have A LOT of hmwk to do. so all i'm going to say is.. one of the places i WASN'T too fond of (other than Harlem) was Carnegie Deli! i mean... sure.. the hot pastrami tasted pretty darn good.. but.. are you kidding me?!
disgusting!! like... why would you want SO MUCH meat?.. one of my english professors, Mr.D, let me know that the "sandwiches were big enough for two"... and boy was he right.. more like 3! or 4! .. it was insane... we ate about HALF of what we were served. it was insane. I wonder how much meat they throw out daily. oh and the video they play within the restaraunt is close to horrifying. They show the sandwiches and everything.. but, personally, i think it's more scary that appetizing.
so, basically, want to waste food and ask for a heart attack? go to carnegie deli. haha. OR be smart and only order ONE sandwich!.. go on from there.
i <3 NY.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
decisions, decisions.
So i'm reading this book...
by, might I add, this handsome young fellow:
lol.
But anyway... i've only read the first chapter so far.. and the thing that got to me the most was the way Lehrer describes emotions as a VITAL part of decision making. Often times i've heard, "you have to let go of your emotions when you're making tough decisions, crystal!".. think rationally... logically, or what not. and yet, here, Lehrer is saying, NO. logical/rational thought that doesn't include any emotion is USELESS. emotion is necessary.
makes me think twice about the way i make certain decisions =]
by, might I add, this handsome young fellow:
lol.
But anyway... i've only read the first chapter so far.. and the thing that got to me the most was the way Lehrer describes emotions as a VITAL part of decision making. Often times i've heard, "you have to let go of your emotions when you're making tough decisions, crystal!".. think rationally... logically, or what not. and yet, here, Lehrer is saying, NO. logical/rational thought that doesn't include any emotion is USELESS. emotion is necessary.
makes me think twice about the way i make certain decisions =]
Saturday, March 14, 2009
"V" is for Virgin.
hahaha...this came up on my "recommended for you" section on my youtube account... and i just had to post it. haha. I wasn't really drawn to this video... thought the intro was kinda lame haha... glad i stuck through it and watched the whole thing though. It's not the best, but, it made me smile and laugh. haha.
I'm a virgin, and proud! =) hope all you other virgin's out there find this atleast a TAD bit humorous or entertaining lol.
I'm a virgin, and proud! =) hope all you other virgin's out there find this atleast a TAD bit humorous or entertaining lol.
Monday, March 9, 2009
love it.
So... i went to the library to try and look for some stuff on Jhumpa Lahiri and Jorge Luis Borges.. for my research paper... and... i had been planning to do my paper on Borges, but then i was beginning to think about switching it to Lahiri because i just love her.. butttt... the guy who helped me at the library said that he thinks i'd probably have better luck finding more things on Borges (even though his actual literature is more challenging to read than Lahiri)..and so i stuck with Borges! & the guy.. or man, whatever u wanna call him, that works at the library knew so much! i was like thanks dude! you really helped out =) ANYWAYYY... this is not the point of my post... the point of it is..:
Afterwards, i went to look for the Murakami book i had returned a few days before... and upon finding it, i ALSO found other Murakami books.. one of them being "After Dark." The cover reminded me of something i'd seen in "Lost in Translation," and so, considering i'm a fan of that movie, the cover sorta drew me in... i opened to the first page... and wowww... i found myself smiling and shaking my head side to side thinking "Murakami, you're so clever." i totally want to read the book now but i have too much hmwk... so i'm going to try and read it over spring break. =) but yeah... here's the opening paragraph =) hopefully i'm not the only one who'll enjoy it:
"Eyes mark the shape of the city.
Through the eyes of a high-flying night bird, we take in the scene from midair. In our broad sweep, the city looks like a single gigantic creature-- or more like a single collective entity created by many interwining organisms. Bountless arteries stretch to the ends of its elusive body, circulating a continuous supply of fresh blood cells, sending out new data and collecting the old, sending out new consumables and collecting the old, sending out new contradictions and collecting the old. To the rhythm of its pulsing, all the parts of the body flicker and flare up and squirm. Midnight is approaching, and while the peak of activity has passed, the basal metabolism that maintains life continues undiminished, producing the basso continuo of the city's moan, a monotonous sound that neither rises nor falls but is pregnant with foreboding."
Afterwards, i went to look for the Murakami book i had returned a few days before... and upon finding it, i ALSO found other Murakami books.. one of them being "After Dark." The cover reminded me of something i'd seen in "Lost in Translation," and so, considering i'm a fan of that movie, the cover sorta drew me in... i opened to the first page... and wowww... i found myself smiling and shaking my head side to side thinking "Murakami, you're so clever." i totally want to read the book now but i have too much hmwk... so i'm going to try and read it over spring break. =) but yeah... here's the opening paragraph =) hopefully i'm not the only one who'll enjoy it:
"Eyes mark the shape of the city.
Through the eyes of a high-flying night bird, we take in the scene from midair. In our broad sweep, the city looks like a single gigantic creature-- or more like a single collective entity created by many interwining organisms. Bountless arteries stretch to the ends of its elusive body, circulating a continuous supply of fresh blood cells, sending out new data and collecting the old, sending out new consumables and collecting the old, sending out new contradictions and collecting the old. To the rhythm of its pulsing, all the parts of the body flicker and flare up and squirm. Midnight is approaching, and while the peak of activity has passed, the basal metabolism that maintains life continues undiminished, producing the basso continuo of the city's moan, a monotonous sound that neither rises nor falls but is pregnant with foreboding."
Monday, March 2, 2009
random poem
we read a poem called "Song For Bird and Myself" by Jack Spice in poetry class today.. and it inspired me to write this heap of words:
CLICHE UPON CLICHE: THE POEM
love, love, love, then something about a dove
or about above or perhaps
below.. yes, below
the eyes and past the nose, to the lips.
soft and moist, like the lips below the hips, and of course,
between these 4 lips lies the heart.
the ever so famous heart. beat beat bawl. beat beat fall to weak in the knees.
cupid and hearts and love love love. like a mirror
to poor Narcissus. No, selfishness never works. Yes,
the heart, or what it the soul?
And where was the soul again? Here? There?
Where does it lie? Oh and the lies! the lies and their words! But the truth,
the truth
somehow lies in THESE words,
MY words, THE words you are reading, wondering why they don't rhyme.
Could this be mere words posing as a poem? No. No.
It couldn't be... after all, it mentions love, love, love, and
dove, and above. But the metaphors... Where are the metaphors?
Like finding out your English teacher was your father's mistress,
revealing that OHHH! of revelation! that "oh! THAT'S WHY my brother's eyes are blue!"
Metaphors, yes, metaphors explain things like why eyes are blue, or green like lust, or was it money?,
or white like virgins,
like the KKK,
like the white man devil,
or red like passion, like thirst, like blood,
or grey like the FOG that covers MY soul, HIS soul, HER soul, our souls,
or brown like the MUD that covers HER soles, HIS soles, MY soles.
Time, and life, and ohh's! and ahh's! and yes, and truth! and enlightenment! and revelations! and MEANING! and love love love! seek it all in a poem,
in words,
or maybe not.
[climatic point.] Now isn't that what life was made for?
random. but yeah. <3
CLICHE UPON CLICHE: THE POEM
love, love, love, then something about a dove
or about above or perhaps
below.. yes, below
the eyes and past the nose, to the lips.
soft and moist, like the lips below the hips, and of course,
between these 4 lips lies the heart.
the ever so famous heart. beat beat bawl. beat beat fall to weak in the knees.
cupid and hearts and love love love. like a mirror
to poor Narcissus. No, selfishness never works. Yes,
the heart, or what it the soul?
And where was the soul again? Here? There?
Where does it lie? Oh and the lies! the lies and their words! But the truth,
the truth
somehow lies in THESE words,
MY words, THE words you are reading, wondering why they don't rhyme.
Could this be mere words posing as a poem? No. No.
It couldn't be... after all, it mentions love, love, love, and
dove, and above. But the metaphors... Where are the metaphors?
Like finding out your English teacher was your father's mistress,
revealing that OHHH! of revelation! that "oh! THAT'S WHY my brother's eyes are blue!"
Metaphors, yes, metaphors explain things like why eyes are blue, or green like lust, or was it money?,
or white like virgins,
like the KKK,
like the white man devil,
or red like passion, like thirst, like blood,
or grey like the FOG that covers MY soul, HIS soul, HER soul, our souls,
or brown like the MUD that covers HER soles, HIS soles, MY soles.
Time, and life, and ohh's! and ahh's! and yes, and truth! and enlightenment! and revelations! and MEANING! and love love love! seek it all in a poem,
in words,
or maybe not.
[climatic point.] Now isn't that what life was made for?
random. but yeah. <3
Thursday, February 19, 2009
killer headache.
i hate not knowing what's "best for me."
i have a picture of "what i want" in my head... but... i don't let myself strive for it because i allow myself to believe that "maybe it's not the best thing for me." ...i wish i could just go on a vacation with myself.. and somehow magically run into a handful of amazing people who could school me on some of the "facts of life".. it doesn't even have to be a "handful".. maybe just 1.. or 2.. or 3. hah.
my head hurts.
grr.
i have a picture of "what i want" in my head... but... i don't let myself strive for it because i allow myself to believe that "maybe it's not the best thing for me." ...i wish i could just go on a vacation with myself.. and somehow magically run into a handful of amazing people who could school me on some of the "facts of life".. it doesn't even have to be a "handful".. maybe just 1.. or 2.. or 3. hah.
my head hurts.
grr.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Strange Hurt
Strange Hurt
In times of stormy weather
She felt queer pain
That said,
"You'll find rain better
Than shelter from the rain."
Days filled with fiery sunshine
Strange hurt she knew
That made
Her seek the burning sunlight
Rather than the shade.
In months of snowy winter
When cozy houses hold,
She'd break down doors
To wander naked
In the cold.
_Langston Hughes
i love that last stanza... the fact that she's naked shows just how EXPOSED she is.. how NATURAL she is. She's naked. She's herself, and nothing more. Naked and vulnerable. Hurt. I don't think you can truly know a person until you've seen them at their worst.. until you've seen them down and HURT..Vulnerable. it's easy when we're HAPPY. happiness numbs us from all the bad things out there.. but when we're hurt.. we become so sensitive.. the way we deal with it shows our strengths and weaknesses.
Wandering naked in the cold is like saying...
i'm here, and i'm vulnerable. take me as i am. this is me. love me or hate me, it's up to you, but atleast i have the balls to SHOW YOU WHO I REALLY AM.
In times of stormy weather
She felt queer pain
That said,
"You'll find rain better
Than shelter from the rain."
Days filled with fiery sunshine
Strange hurt she knew
That made
Her seek the burning sunlight
Rather than the shade.
In months of snowy winter
When cozy houses hold,
She'd break down doors
To wander naked
In the cold.
_Langston Hughes
i love that last stanza... the fact that she's naked shows just how EXPOSED she is.. how NATURAL she is. She's naked. She's herself, and nothing more. Naked and vulnerable. Hurt. I don't think you can truly know a person until you've seen them at their worst.. until you've seen them down and HURT..Vulnerable. it's easy when we're HAPPY. happiness numbs us from all the bad things out there.. but when we're hurt.. we become so sensitive.. the way we deal with it shows our strengths and weaknesses.
Wandering naked in the cold is like saying...
i'm here, and i'm vulnerable. take me as i am. this is me. love me or hate me, it's up to you, but atleast i have the balls to SHOW YOU WHO I REALLY AM.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
stuck.
Lately, i've been feeling STUCK.
it's like, one of those gooey sticky hand toys that you can get in a quarter machine.
you throw it towards a window or wall, and it STICKS, and it feels good.. it's like, muahaha, i made you STICK to the wall damn it! i didn't even have to put much force into it and now your STUCK... but then... it unsticks.. and comes back to you.
that's how i feel.
I'm allowing myself to be thrown and stuck from window to wall, window to wall, only to be thrown back to the place in which i started.
it's really rather depressing.
i don't know what to do about it anymore.
and so, i guess i'm left with no choice other than to LIVE. go on.. be stuck and then unstuck.. it's boring staying in one place anyway.
it's like, one of those gooey sticky hand toys that you can get in a quarter machine.
you throw it towards a window or wall, and it STICKS, and it feels good.. it's like, muahaha, i made you STICK to the wall damn it! i didn't even have to put much force into it and now your STUCK... but then... it unsticks.. and comes back to you.
that's how i feel.
I'm allowing myself to be thrown and stuck from window to wall, window to wall, only to be thrown back to the place in which i started.
it's really rather depressing.
i don't know what to do about it anymore.
and so, i guess i'm left with no choice other than to LIVE. go on.. be stuck and then unstuck.. it's boring staying in one place anyway.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
i think i'm in love.
with Anoop Desai!
the next American Idol thank you very much. hahah. =] i love this guy. pretty much made me melt when i saw him audition for Idol. i never really stuck to the show... till maybe THIS season. woo hoo! go Anoop! lol. check him out(as a former soloist member of UNC's Clefhangers):
angel of mine..
i'll make love to you...
the only one for me...
sorry if u hate him. i don't =] haha
the next American Idol thank you very much. hahah. =] i love this guy. pretty much made me melt when i saw him audition for Idol. i never really stuck to the show... till maybe THIS season. woo hoo! go Anoop! lol. check him out(as a former soloist member of UNC's Clefhangers):
angel of mine..
i'll make love to you...
the only one for me...
sorry if u hate him. i don't =] haha
Monday, January 5, 2009
first day back to school
so today... i went back to school.
Sociology seems alright; teacher seems fun and quirky. Plus i think one of my coworkers is in my class..
Anthropolpgy started off a bit AWKWARD with my ex standing outside talking to this FREAKIN GIRL (of whom i use to say i "didn't like" when we were together, and all HE had to say about it then was "i don't even see her that way Crystal" HMPH. sure looks like you "see her that way" now.) ANYWAYYY... it got super better when i went to look for a seat and saw DARREN HIROSE sitting there! lol. woo hoo. brightened my hour. lol. cept it woulda been totally better if he sat in back of me because then it would be like photo 1 deja vu status.
Intro to Poetry... seems okay. Except i MOST DEF have to change seats because i feel like i cant even BREATHE where i'm sitting now (right in the middle!) ick. i either like front row seats or "off to the side" seats (preferably against a wall.) so i hope to find a "wall seat" tomorrow =] My teacher read a random poem for us and i thought the end was cute. "Say i'm weary, say i'm sad, say that health and wealth have missed me, say i'm growing old, but add, jenny kissed me." aww, how cute. okay. enough of that.
Last but not least, EWRT 1B seems splendid. I just hope my teacher doesn't get tired of me (since i'm taking him for my poetry class too! hah)... there's a lot of reading to do... but... I CAN DO IT =]
<3
Sociology seems alright; teacher seems fun and quirky. Plus i think one of my coworkers is in my class..
Anthropolpgy started off a bit AWKWARD with my ex standing outside talking to this FREAKIN GIRL (of whom i use to say i "didn't like" when we were together, and all HE had to say about it then was "i don't even see her that way Crystal" HMPH. sure looks like you "see her that way" now.) ANYWAYYY... it got super better when i went to look for a seat and saw DARREN HIROSE sitting there! lol. woo hoo. brightened my hour. lol. cept it woulda been totally better if he sat in back of me because then it would be like photo 1 deja vu status.
Intro to Poetry... seems okay. Except i MOST DEF have to change seats because i feel like i cant even BREATHE where i'm sitting now (right in the middle!) ick. i either like front row seats or "off to the side" seats (preferably against a wall.) so i hope to find a "wall seat" tomorrow =] My teacher read a random poem for us and i thought the end was cute. "Say i'm weary, say i'm sad, say that health and wealth have missed me, say i'm growing old, but add, jenny kissed me." aww, how cute. okay. enough of that.
Last but not least, EWRT 1B seems splendid. I just hope my teacher doesn't get tired of me (since i'm taking him for my poetry class too! hah)... there's a lot of reading to do... but... I CAN DO IT =]
<3
Saturday, January 3, 2009
brace yourself.
"Baby, take off your cool,
i wanna see you, i wanna see you,
Baby, don't be so cool,
i wanna see you, i wanna see you,
Baby, take off your cool,
i want to get to know you."
_Benjamin, Andre
____________________________________
brace yourself
she's not
smiling because she's happy.
she's smiling because she knows
it won't last forever;
she's learned to savor moments
like these.
brace yourself
he's not
telling the truth when
he says things you already have proof
to prove otherwise;
afterall, you have to trust yourself
before you can trust others.
brace yourself
he's not
kissing your hands because
he's in love with you;
you just won't let him kiss the other places
he'd muchratherbekissing.
brace yourself
you'll never be able to tell what's real,
what's the truth or what's a lie.
we're all real
we all tell lies
we all live lives
half the time
not knowing
what we're doing.
or what we really meant to say that one time,
everytime.
we speak in ways we believe benefit ourselves,
when,
instead, we should speak in ways we believe will benefit us
both.
brace yourself
things aren't always what they seem.
brace yourself
for the moments you'll spend in the company
of only yourself.
brace yourself
for the moments when being alone
is the only thing
that will save you
from
being alone.
i wanna see you, i wanna see you,
Baby, don't be so cool,
i wanna see you, i wanna see you,
Baby, take off your cool,
i want to get to know you."
_Benjamin, Andre
____________________________________
brace yourself
she's not
smiling because she's happy.
she's smiling because she knows
it won't last forever;
she's learned to savor moments
like these.
brace yourself
he's not
telling the truth when
he says things you already have proof
to prove otherwise;
afterall, you have to trust yourself
before you can trust others.
brace yourself
he's not
kissing your hands because
he's in love with you;
you just won't let him kiss the other places
he'd muchratherbekissing.
brace yourself
you'll never be able to tell what's real,
what's the truth or what's a lie.
we're all real
we all tell lies
we all live lives
half the time
not knowing
what we're doing.
or what we really meant to say that one time,
everytime.
we speak in ways we believe benefit ourselves,
when,
instead, we should speak in ways we believe will benefit us
both.
brace yourself
things aren't always what they seem.
brace yourself
for the moments you'll spend in the company
of only yourself.
brace yourself
for the moments when being alone
is the only thing
that will save you
from
being alone.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
new year
happy happy new year.
i don't believe in making new years resolutions. i never stick to them anyway... i just choose to make changes throughout the year when i feel a change is inevitable or necessary. it works better for me that way =]
hope everyone has a great 2009.
and... i think my dad's mad at me =/ what a grrrreat way to start off the year =/
i don't believe in making new years resolutions. i never stick to them anyway... i just choose to make changes throughout the year when i feel a change is inevitable or necessary. it works better for me that way =]
hope everyone has a great 2009.
and... i think my dad's mad at me =/ what a grrrreat way to start off the year =/
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