i think that if there's one thing we can't escape.. it's bigotry.
and that makes me kind of sad. i mean, from when we're children, we're spoon-fed all of these ideas. As children, we don't know much, and so, when we are fed information too hard for us to completely grasp on our own.. we tend to swallow. And as we swallow, it becomes a part of us.
One of the ideas that i "swallowed" at a young age.. and have continued to let be a part of me for quite some time is the belief in Jesus Christ.
As a child, i never really questioned anything. But as i got older and DID begin to question.. Jesus suddenly became more than just "the guy who hangs on all those crosses." He gave me an overwhelming spiritual feeling of happiness and hope.
And now, all of a sudden, i've become numb to one of the feelings that was so recently a huge part of my life... the basis of my life, almost. It's weird; believing in something for so long, and then not being able to FEEL anything towards it anymore. It's like... Jesus this. Jesus that. and my response is Jesus who?... i no longer am "touched" I no longer am "overwhelmed".. instead, i am just down right confused and angry.
And i've decided to have conversations with people about it. I want to open my mind to different view points. It's like i'm the rope in the middle of a tug-of war.. being pulled by people's different ideas. and even when i pull "people" out of the equation, and just focus on myself and my own thoughts... i end up pushing and pulling myself on my own. I say one thing... but then just sigh and go back to where i started.
It is SO DIFFICULT to break away from an idea that's been a part of you you're whole life... no matter how hard you try to set it aside, it keeps following you around like a shadow... sometimes you wish it would go away, but for some reason, the sun is just always there, casting down that shadow... the shadow might be small at some points, and large at others... but it's still always present.
So anyway... i think one of the biggest challenges within ourselves is to: try and break away from the mold that we've been set in. It's hard sometimes... it's like, trying to convince yourself that 2+2 is NOT four. It's telling yourself that perhaps YOU ARE WRONG, perhaps there are BETTER ideas out there. We just have to take that first step; we have to question our beliefs and practices. WHY do we do what we do? I have yet to find out if "breaking out of this mold" is as rewarding as it is challenging; but something tells me it probably WILL be.
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3 comments:
ooh, i think it's awesome that you're trying to open yourself to new ideas! You might want to read up on the ideologies of other religions. You know i've never really grown up with a religion, but i still kind of consider myself spiritual. I know that even though sometimes I question the existence of God, I'm still a good person. I won't associate myself with a religion because in every religion, there are good people AND bad people. And i just choose to be myself, and live life as i choose fit. i don't need a religion to tell me what to do or what not to do, because i do what I believe is right. And underneath it all, I'm a good person and i want to make people happy. Religion doesn't really have a place with me. awesome post :)
thanks pearl =] i totally agree now.. even though i probably wouldn't have, say, a year ago. lol. but yeah... my comparative religion's class and lit class from last quarter both really helped open up my mind to different ideologies =]
CG,
this is your perfection of the moment. You might "feel" the spirit again in a different form. Or you might see the world in a new light. Don't forget that even Jesus spent time in the desert and had doubts at Gesthemane.
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